a million ways to be cruel

Friday, August 19, 2005

its bout my life. ok spent alot of time thinking bout this after today's incident. and it really got me to even more thoughts. sad thoughts and some happy memories i had. sometimes its like ur confident but in the end u screw up. life is like that it fucks u up whenever u feel ok. but then we have to accept the fact ya. although its not the end of the world. but i still feel that i could have made a difference. a really big difference. if only i would be more serious in what i do. if only blah blah blah. its always if only. u regret after u screw up. its natural. but actually when u screw up ur to blame. not others. so do not go around venting ur anger and stuff. on other innocent people. who just wanted to show some concern. its not right ya. there are ups and downs in life. and it all links to having fun or work. when ur having fun, time passes real fast and time is wasted. but we like to have fun. its in our nature, cant help it.
people always say play hard and work hard. i dont think anyone can do that. not me. then theres some times where u get really fired and hard up on doing something. but that only lasts for a few days and everything goes back to the normal. PLAY. after awhile that determination is gone. yea. then u screw up. screwing up is not nice. but i cant seem to figure out y i like to do it so much. and then i go around being so fucked up and just venting my fustration on others and friends who just want to go out and have fun. a bloody spoiler. then during a breakdown then i start to regret and stuff and just trying to make a difference now by posting and i really hope it helps. firstly i really would like to thank a few people. weijing and gang. thanks for cheering me up together. really had a really fun time with ur crazy bunch. (: morgen, john,russel,andrew, daniel yea entertainers.(: yea u all rock daniel also thanks yea. for everything.2c is one of the funNEST class to be in i guess with all of the you all inside.u all brighten up peoples day dudes. even the lst time also enjoyed myself to the max. the makan club.(: thanks for everything. craziest bunch of people. (:
twins,yx,wil,owen,chuan, hengwei,ian,matt and gang.good bros. yea thanks ya. i thought bout it and u all werent that bad. (: u were awesome. my fun mates? yea. everyday after school would go out and stuff. playing all day long. but then there were times when we were serious and all. wil yea u asked me to study but what did i do?yea. twins, from sec 1 till now.nice bunch of buggers.(: great bros.
love is like the wind, u cant see it, but u can feel it. ass. (: thanks ya for like everything.yx yea thanks ya. ummm for alot of sutff. and all ur imgaination.(:. wil yea everyday pei wo. thanks dude. take 169 (: . great classmates too. the rest of u yea thanks u add colour to my life. alot of colours. but then theres always thing that will darken them.yea. sad huh. brennan and ipw group+ siyun and john. u all rocked. choong eu(: keep up the good work for being cute. and brennan yea thanks. my dota mate and host of sleepover club with twins, gang and lionel. (: siyun bloody joker magician. u rock and sorry bout that late 2 bucks.didnt have change.(: john good bro. thanks for like all of the study trips and times at kovan playing ball or just having lunch. u were a great friend.a great bro.weizun. np brother.pon stuff with me and go to np with me.without this great friend i would not know how to stay in np. play ball together too with weihin and gang.great bro.hengwei.cdc bro.do events togehter.kinda like see him then sure see me in cdc.events were fun and all ya? great classmate too. cdc and zatan. u all added the thanks yea. the evets and camps were great and thanks for all of the opportunities u gave me. never regretted being a part of ur big happy family. its great to be an RHYA. i have many people to thanks in life. and many groups. for being there for me.and some who helped me with my studies. great teachers and peers. mr tan ur number one man.best friend always there when im in need.and able to tolerate me and edwin and all of our crude insults bout u. but really we dont mean them. u totally rock as a p6 eng teacher and a tuition teacher that i have utterly let down... thanks for all of the good times we shared through out these few years and the video award. u really like assisted us in many ways.(: we won because of u. and yea. u rock u fat ass.((: and there are also some people i want to apologise to.
firstly i would want to say sorry to all of my classmates that i bug and disturb everyday in class. clement, nicholas,amandus,bryan chan,wei jia,jing heng,shufeng. sorry dudes.hey ya'll really dunno y im doing all this crap to u. but yea im sorry. no more of this shit anymore ok? and nicholas i think i do it most on u. so a thousand apologies yea. just trying to unwind. but its a really sick and wrong way of doing it. Mr tan. i really want to say sorry for only playing with edwin during ur classes and not listening. and being so lazy and not doing work all the time. being such an ass.and now even if i want to change im not sure if i still can. u are a wonderful teacher that would go to extra means to help ur students. u really rocked. through out these 2 and a half years. u've been like a best friend, best teacher and best person to talk to and to seek advice. thanks for everything. i promise to work harder in the future. that is if i still get to go to ur class. now im all regretful and shit. u warned me bout the consequences bout not listening in class but i didnt give a damn at all. i just continued wasting my time and playing tuition time away. just joking around but u and ur size and everything else. talking rot with edwin and fucking up the entire class. man now i've realised. i've woken up. i hope i'll learn to be a better student and a better friend. mr tan u rock. sooo much. u changed and touched many people's lives in MBS. left a great impression on all of ur students and teaching in ur own unique and interesting ways. but NOOOO some students just dont give a fuck at all. and now there down there feeling all remorseful and screwed up. thanks man. teacher's day coming. i'll try to make it up to ya by scoring good grades in SA2. u rest assured. even if im not going to be in ur class. or leave ur class. imma make u proud u fat ass.u hear me? thanks for everything. really from the bottom of my heart u were the best teacher i ever had and will ever have. u rock truly.
mr tan even though i screwed up in ca2. i'll make it up. PROMISE.

and all this shit just keeps coming and coming.it never stops.NPCC is one big hunk of shit that just never seems to go away. and in that shit is more shit. lost my frindge and i will never forget that day. in the toilet. the guy who made me cut my own hair. even though ur ok and stuff but the fact u made me cut my own hair. u suck. ur another piece of shit in NP. all this dog training is getting me no where.

i looked back and i fucked up alot. more than the people whom i hate and curse everyday. like NPCC. no one is perfect.sooo i guess i should give everybody another chance. trying to erase all the hatred and anger i have for people.try to accept others for who they are. and facing reality that i have made a bad choice. but i still have to face up to it. i'll try.

although all of this emo stuff doesnt really last. but i want to express all of my feelings and thoughts i have thought of when im down before this emo stuff fades after a few days or after a goodnight's of sleep. i hope it'll create a brand new me. i really hope so even after this day full of remorse and regrets.hope i'll live up to my words.

jun xi so sorry bout today. i was really in a bad mood ya. sorry i was so fucked up. u know i didnt meant what i said .i vented my anger on u.sorry.

twins. sorry bout all the emo stuff on the way out of school affecting ur moods but. that test really meant alot to me yea. so sorry bros.

mrs dhar. sorry . but i was over confident. i thought there was nothing to study for maths. i didnt practice, didnt study and i expected to like do well? dont talk bout this in school ya?

this screwing up of maths paper really got me thinking. thinking bout all of the people who got affected and all of the people who i offened and pissed off.and my life.all of the ups and downs. im repeating myself over and over again but im just writing what and how i feel now. thanks all.
this is the end of my emo day. i really meant what i said. what i said might sound stupid and dumb. but its truly how i feel now.

ian boon. thanks. for consolling me even for last time. it really helped.(:

thanks u bf for like consolling me today (: weijing really had a blast today.
everyone. thanks

classmates i'll change

NP. im still not sure

mr tan i will do it.
i will work really hard for maths SA2
make it up to u
((:

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ianlam 6:35 AM